SATURDAY : BOLTBUS TO SEATTLE

The Boltbus was cheap, $18, and was pleasant enough considering it was cheap. I sat in the front and the guys handling my wheelchair and crap were very nice. It smelled a bit because of the bathroom on the bus, but that disgusting blue-water smell was NOTHING compared to what gross horrors awaited me and my family on Monday at sea (see VOMIT PARTY in Monday's summary.) The bus got me to where I wanted to go, so that's just fine.


I met with my in-laws at the hotel we were staying at after I was dropped in Seattle. My husband arrived later, as he was off somewhere playing card games with his nerd friends. The hotel was nice. Little did we know it was the last time each of us would sleep in a comfortable bed until we got back to our homes. Anyhoo, we got to sleep at a reasonable time, coz the next day was EMBARKATION DAYYYYYYYYYY!


SUNDAY: GET ON THE BOAT

Getting on the boat was kinda fun. We were racing this other family to see who could get checked in and on the boat first. We were not first, but maybe 10th or so. Everyone was planning their week and talking about stuff on the boat, what shows to see, etc. As I have been on exactly 1 cruise before, I knew that as soon as I got on, I was going to head my ass to the buffet and wait for my luggage to be delivered to my state room.

The boat was nice, blah, blah, blah.

"Can I get a drink since we all bought drink packages??"

"Heck no, lady, u r still in Washington State waters, so u has to pay tax on it!"

My first disappointment of the cruise has occurred. 

Yes, we got drinks. We are on vacation!

This is going to be optimal!


MONDAY: AT SEA/ VOMIT PARTY

So I guess the Captain needed to get the f3ck up to the tippity top of Alaska ASAP, so he gunned that m8therf8cker so fast that it turned %75 (not official estimate, but from what I witnessed, it's f6cking accurate) of these first-day-happy-cruisers into disgusting ralph-machines. My husband was pushing me in the wheelchair and had to run off to the bathroom, leaving me rolling around a hallway. He came back 7 minutes later. He had not made it all the way to the restroom. I did not see my mother-in-law all day, as she had banned everyone, including her husband, from her room, and stayed festering in the dark all day. The cousins were missing as well, doing their own family festering together. Vomit bags were put out all over the ship (way too late) and little teams of crew dressed in X-Files hazmat suits were scrubbing all of the tiny disasters away from floors, corners, and (yep) walls.

YAY CRUISING


This year I had the opportunity to cruise to Alaska with my parents-in-law, my husband, and our cruise-buddies, the Utah Andersons.

As shown, you can see us wearing our matching cruise shirts and fanny packs. I went super hardcore the first day by also adding Crocs and a sweet visor. Below is a list of where we went & what happened on each of the travel days. There was indeed a glacier, and also death, on our vacation. 


SAT Boltbus to Seattle

SUN depart Seattle /at sea

MON at sea/ vomit party

TUE Juneau

WED Skagway/ dogs!

THU Glacier Bay / glacier!

FRI Ketchikan,  totem poleys, death 

FRI at sea/ vomit party 2

SAT at sea/ Victoria BC for dusk & danger

SUN disembark, train home, cat & dog, finally a comfortable bed

TUESDAY: JUNEAU, ALASKA

By Tuesday morning, most folks had survived their boat-sickness stupors, and were ready to see the first stop in Alaska. After getting off of the boat, and the crew at the exits obviously never having seen a wheeled chair before (let alone know what the hell to do with it), we hit the streets of Juneau. It was a cute town, once you ran through the gauntlet of carnival-style barkers trying to lure you into their jewelry shop, or hat store, or jeweled hat emporium. We went off-map and walked to see some old buildings and by golly, we found some nature amidst all the tourist trap crap. I saw a dang Bald Eagle, and we pressed a penny somewhere. We went back on the boat early to snag a sweet 4pm dinner. Sorry Juneau, but you were the least-favorite of the Alaska towns we saw. Maybe it was the boat-barfing the day before, but I just wan't feeling it. 


WEDNESDAY: SKAGWAY/ DOGS!

This morning my husband had signed up to go on a ride with actual factual sled dogs! I couldn't go because it was all up in the nature, and I don't do too much hiking anymore after my injury in 2014. So he was off on his own, headed to the wilderness, and I had the pleasure of roaming about town with Sue & Lindsey (the in-laws.) We zoomed past the shops with the barkers (and the sweet, sweet deals you just can't pass up, because you NEED SOUVENIERS AND AUTHENTIC ALASKAN ITEMS MADE IN CHINA AND JEWELRY WITH WHALE TAILS AND SH7T W BEARS ON THEM) ... and actually found a cute Skagway museum that was only TWO DOLLARS EACH and we learned some knowledge, saw a big ol' stuffed bear, and and had a nice time. Back at the boat we met up with the husband and he informed us that sledding was indeed enjoyable, and he got to pet a sh5tton of little tiny baby dogs (known as PUPPIES.)

"Skagway: better than Juneau!"


DIGRESSION

I would like to take this moment to inform you that we did a bunch of drinking and cool stuff on the boat inbetween ports. There was bingo, comedy clubs, karaoke, and game-show things. I don't need to tell you about all that stuff, just use your imagination and sprinkle it in along this timeline. We had all bought drink packages, which meant we could each have up to 17 alcoholic drinks per day, with the price of the drink up to $14.95. Did I buy any drinks or food on land? Hell no, who does that? I saw you, cruise people, wasting your money on land. IT'S FREE ON THE BOAT!



THURSDAY: GLACIER BAY

Thursday was a nice break from getting on and off the boat. We had some nice Alaskan Rangers come on the ship, and they were broadcasting interesting information on the ship news channel. I didn't really have to leave my room, but I did leave, at 8am, to go hot tubbing. I grabbed Sue, and we ventured up into the 40 something degree weather, and proceeded to be the only folks hot tubbing, and the only folks not wearing parkas and scarves and galoshes and gloves. Hot tub = hot. We got the best views as the hot tubs sit right up against the end of the ship. No camera-guy could stand in front of us! No kids could bump into me! We were indeed the smarty-pants that morning.

Some people saw a bear, others saw a moose. I saw mountains and ice and trees and more ice. Halfway through the day, we had arrived at the MARGERIE GLACIER.

I have never seen anything like it.  So I took a selfie.

Lisa goes

to ALASKA

FRIDAY; KETCHIKAN & TOTEM POLEYS / DEATH ON THE HIGH SEAS

I was looking forward to Ketchikan, as it seemed to have a bunch of old buildings, museums, and haunted places. We went off the beaten trail for this one, and it proved to be the best town yet. You win, Ketchikan! We went to a thing that I will call a Totem Pole Sanctuary. Folks have been rescuing totem poles from the woods and nature, and fixin' em up and displaying them for all to see. I wanted to learn more, but our tour guide kept saying "I'ts a really interesting story, but i won't have time to tell it today." What the heck am I here for then, dude? Still, cool.











Before we went on this uninformative adventure with the whole cruising family, Husband and I self-ventured into Ketchikan to find the one souvenir I wanted for the trip:  a wooden totem pole thingy. We searched many a shop, but I found the thing I wanted, at the price I wanted. Shopping done!


Oh, you want to hear about Death on the High Seas??

​So when we came back on the boat after Ketchikan, Misty (cousin) went up to the top of the ship to get a drink and see what's up with the pools, when will they open, etc. The crew were ushering people off of the pool deck level. There was a "medical emergency." The medical emergency was that a 24 year old girl was found drowned in one of the hot tubs. She did not live. Those are the only facts we could muster out of anyone who knew anything. The police were aboard for 3 hours investigating.

It was.. interesting.

Do we keep drinking? Can we still have fun? Do they close the hot tub? 

Yes, Yes, and suprisingly, NO.


The Captain: "we are now behind schedule. We must blast this ship to the next port AFAP ( as fast as possible), sea sicknesses BE DAMNED!"




FRIDAY: AT SEA / VOMIT PARTY 2

That's it. It was horrible and gross.




SATURDAY: VICTORIA, B.C.

After Captain Speedy McFasterson jetted us to Victoria, we only arrived at 7:30pm. We had to be back on the boat at 11:30pm. What the Hell am I going to do wandering around a strange town and country after dark? Get mugged? Buy meth? Not see too well and have no open shops to buy chotchkies in?

Victoria was pretty, but I got to see it for 1 short hour.

When that sun set I got my American ass back to my ship and bid adieu to B.C.


SUNDAY: GET MY 4SS BACK HOME

Sunday. Tonight I will sleep in a not-horrible bed. I will pet my dog and cat and I will sleep. Have we already started planning our next cruise? Yes, yes we have. C U in 2021, Mexico.


You may click on the pics below to see them in full size.




All Around Oregon and Washington